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The Joys and Tribulations Of Parenting
By Robert Lipply
Everyone knows the joyful cliché of parenting. You love the first smiles, the first steps, or waking up to their smiling faces and adorable personalities. But you often read much less about the troublesome times. The times you have a toddler throwing a tantrum in front of your boss, the child who gets upset when you won’t buy them a new toy as your walking through Target, or when you get the dreaded call from school that Johnny has hit or bit another child. All of these moments make you want to cringe and hide. But how you handle these difficult times, as well as the joyful ones, will reflect greatly on your children. It is wonderful to praise your children, but you can overdue it. They will learn to expect a huge applause every time they spell a word, or a prize with each trip to the bathroom for good potty training. It’s important to be supportive and show excitement, but be realistic. I knew a Mom who purchased a bunch of items from the dollar store and headed home to try potty training. She was convinced if her child got a small trinket for going potty, he would learn quicker. And at first it worked. Her child would go to the potty and she’d hand him a prize. Two days went buy and she ran out of prizes (kids have small bladders and go often!). So the next day she tried just giving him a sticker. Her son said, “I want a prize”. And she tried to rationalize to a two year old that she was just doing that so he would learn and now that he knew how, the prizes were gone. So he proceeded to pee in his pants. A prize every time you go potty is unreasonable. Maybe a prize at the end of each day would have been more realistic. He would learn to be proud of his accomplishments, which is a huge life lesson. It’s also good to set expectations and limits to try to discourage bad behavior. Before entering a store with my children, I tell them what we are going to the store for. I also let them know we will not be buying any additional toys or unnecessary items. This helps them to not to get their hopes up and sets the mood that we are here for a purpose. I also try to prepare them when they are meeting someone new. I may say something like “you’re going to meet Mommy or Daddy’s boss today. It is important to me that you are courteous and show good manners.” It’s also important to time important meetings or outings just right. Bringing a small child to the office just before lunch could be a bad idea. They are hungry and chances are they will be going down for a nap soon. If possible, schedule a meeting after a small snack or nap so they are cheerful and show their true colors. Every parent is going to have his or her good and bad days. But being strategic and showing your child that you love them and that you are proud of them and want to be with them, is one of the best lessons you can teach them. Children are very intuitive and know what makes Mommy and Daddy happy. And children really want to please you. Showing them love and teaching them boundaries is one of the best gifts you can give them.
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This intel was contributed by lipply
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May, 2012
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